By the time I get home in December, I will have spent more than 100 days away from my children this year. Is it something I would’ve chosen, no. But am I grateful that I had such a well paying job in this economy. Yes.
It has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to especially because I can not properly explain to them. I can’t say “Mommy and Daddy want to do everything we can to make sure you don’t go without. Everything we do is for you. We will make some bad choices and some good choices, but the heart behind all we do is love for you.” No, to them I’m just a mom who was there one day and gone the next – and that kills me. I actually have to force myself not to think about it because it’s like a dam wall that if I allow one trickle through, it’s going to burst and I’ll just be swept away with emotions that are too big for my little heart to take.
I have had a lot of time to think though about the things that are important and how I want to live my life next year. You know, as moms we sometimes get so caught up in the 24 hour-ness of it all that it becomes about survival more than about pro-active parenting and we start wishing for a break. If I can say I’ve taken away anything with this very, very difficult year, it would probably be this:
1) I’m going to cut out all TV when I get home. If time is the coin of my life, then I would rather spend it on something that it’s worth spending it on. I have lost hours with my kids (I start crying as I write that) and I don’t want to lose anymore. There is enough of me to properly divide between 3 beautiful little people without any of them feeling like a day went by without quality time with me – but I need to cut on the pointless, time-sucking activities.
2) The bible says in Titus that the mom’s duty is to be homeward focused. I don’t know what that means to everyone (and I’m sure it’s different for all) but I am going to sit before God and work out what that means for me. My focus is far too often on worrying and fretting about what I can do. Am I doing enough? Is there something I haven’t thought of? How can I possibly in these times focus on my children? My focus needs to be elsewhere so they never have to worry about anything. I need to do all the worrying now so that they don't have to do it later! I know it sounds silly but this is a constant battle in me and the ONLY THING IT DOES, is keep me out of the here and now. I miss the “Mommy, look at this picture I drew” because I’m thinking about “What’s gonna happen tomorrow?” The past few years have been an exceptional case, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve lost hours. (crying again)
The Bible says “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to Him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life.”
Do we really read that verse for what it is - the God of the Universe telling us to do something. Or do we just skip over it and think "That's unrealistic."
There are always going to be those people who will say “Look at the storm! What are you going to do about it? How can you be this casual? Are you stupid? Do you not care about your children?” These words have pierced me in the past but after having done it that way and seeing that it does not add one drop of joy to your life, I am now going to be lifting my shield of faith when words like that come along.
I choose not to worry - and that's not "the gospel according to Nikki". That's the gospel according to God.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
I am anti-religion
I’m feeling very emotional. As I finished updating my facebook status saying how grateful I am for all the best things in my life, I think the reality of it must’ve hit home because I felt like I’d just been stabbed in the heart (in a good way). How do I repay? I can’t.
The gift of salvation is the one I want to focus on because I think that’s the one that brought me to my knees in tears just now. When God opens your eyes to what He’s done, when you’re standing at the cross and you know exactly why it’s happening, when you hear for yourself the words come out of Jesus mouth “It is paid in full”, it cuts you to the deepest place in your heart. No-one can explain the feeling to you. No-one can do the cross justice with words... The moment when Jesus breathed his last breath, the curtain tearing in two, the sky going black, the soldiers saying “Surely He was the Son of God…” That was the first time in history when we could say with confidence “Oh death, where is your sting?” because God in His infinite mercy had actually done it. He’d taken our debt upon Himself and paid it and opened heaven’s doors to sinners like us.
It really is apt that the date we write down everyday is based on a time before Christ and a time after Him because He cut history in half when He came to earth in the body of a man, taking on all our frailties, living a sinless life and paying the price for our sins with His own blood. It is MinDBlowing.
People often say to me “Are you religious?” and my answer to that is “No. I am anti-religion. I am saved by the blood of Jesus. I do not have to earn my own way to salvation through religious practices and doing the right thing. I’m a sinner… always was, always will be. But the price for my sins has been paid. And I have a relationship with God. I know Him and I know His voice. And the closer I get to Him, the more I want to dedicate my every waking breath to Him. The more I look at Him, the more the things the world has to offer fade away. The more I know about Him, the more He becomes enough for me.
Stephen Covey says in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly effective people” that we must “Begin with the end in mind”. Think about what you want to hear on the day you die. Once you’ve worked out what you want people to be saying at your funeral, then you have a clear idea of what your real goals are. The words I want to hear on the day I die when I’m standing at the gate of eternity are “Welcome home, my good and faithful servant.” So if I follow Covey’s advice and begin with the end in mind, then that is my goal in this short life.
The gift of salvation is the one I want to focus on because I think that’s the one that brought me to my knees in tears just now. When God opens your eyes to what He’s done, when you’re standing at the cross and you know exactly why it’s happening, when you hear for yourself the words come out of Jesus mouth “It is paid in full”, it cuts you to the deepest place in your heart. No-one can explain the feeling to you. No-one can do the cross justice with words... The moment when Jesus breathed his last breath, the curtain tearing in two, the sky going black, the soldiers saying “Surely He was the Son of God…” That was the first time in history when we could say with confidence “Oh death, where is your sting?” because God in His infinite mercy had actually done it. He’d taken our debt upon Himself and paid it and opened heaven’s doors to sinners like us.
It really is apt that the date we write down everyday is based on a time before Christ and a time after Him because He cut history in half when He came to earth in the body of a man, taking on all our frailties, living a sinless life and paying the price for our sins with His own blood. It is MinDBlowing.
People often say to me “Are you religious?” and my answer to that is “No. I am anti-religion. I am saved by the blood of Jesus. I do not have to earn my own way to salvation through religious practices and doing the right thing. I’m a sinner… always was, always will be. But the price for my sins has been paid. And I have a relationship with God. I know Him and I know His voice. And the closer I get to Him, the more I want to dedicate my every waking breath to Him. The more I look at Him, the more the things the world has to offer fade away. The more I know about Him, the more He becomes enough for me.
Stephen Covey says in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly effective people” that we must “Begin with the end in mind”. Think about what you want to hear on the day you die. Once you’ve worked out what you want people to be saying at your funeral, then you have a clear idea of what your real goals are. The words I want to hear on the day I die when I’m standing at the gate of eternity are “Welcome home, my good and faithful servant.” So if I follow Covey’s advice and begin with the end in mind, then that is my goal in this short life.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Anastasia's little miracle
Guess what happened today! My little girl got a taste of the kingdom of God. I watched it happen and I knew in my heart what was going on. Anastasia always gives everything away. Seriously. Not half her packet of sweets, the whole packet… Not her worst toy that she doesn’t play with, her best toy that she loves… And she does it with a joyful heart. Nobody tells her to do it and she never moans later about the things she’s given up. It truly must be something the Lord has put in her and I never try and curb it. I”ll say to her sometimes “Stashe, you don’t have to give that way Babes,” but I’ll never say no… even if it is something I just spent a whole lot of bucks on!… The reason I don’t ever stop her is because I would never want to rob her of her reward in heaven.
The Bible says
“It is more blessed to give than too receive” – Acts 20 v 35
“I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward.” – Mark 9 v41
“Freely you have received, freely give.” – Matthew 10 v 8
“Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44 They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” – Mark 12 v 43 – 44
Time and time again, I have seen that you can not out-give God because He owns way more than you’ll ever own. The Bible is so clear when it says “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galations 6 v 7).
God tells us to consider eternity in every decision we make – "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6 v 19 and 20). This scripture has become my goal in life. Every time we do anything for somebody no matter how small because they are a disciple, the Bible says we will get our reward in heaven. A reward that moth and dust CAN NOT destroy and a reward that will last an eternity. It takes real faith to live this way, because you have to believe God at His word and live for eternity rather than for this short life, which the Bible calls just a breath (Job 7 v 7). This short life comes and goes and we can choose to build up our treasures here where moth and dust will destroy, or to build up our treasures in heaven where nothing will destroy.
On that day when we stand at the gateway of eternity (and it will come for everyone, that is a 100% certainty), the Bible says our works are going to be tested by fire. The pointless, arbitrary, selfish things are going to be burnt up, but every little thing we did for Christ will stand the test and the Bible says we will not be without our reward for these things. (1 Corinthian 3 v 13, 14 and 15) Isn’t that exciting? I find that so cool…
The kingdom of God does not operate the way the world operates. God says “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all his righteousness, and I will provide what you need.” (Matthew 6 v 33) And God doesn’t have a short memory. He wants to bless us! The Bible says “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7 v 11)
When we were doing well in about 2006, we felt God tell us to give someone a car. So we did. We didn’t know why him of all people, we just listened and did it, anonymously. After we gave it, our faith was so built up by the wisdom and mercy of our God in that guy’s life – we realized that he could now get to work and earn a living and he could also go fetch his kids and spend time with them on a regular basis – a lot of fruit from a small bit of obedience. Years later, when we had lost everything in the property market crash, we returned back to SA and needed a car. Lo and behold, someone gave us a car. Things like this happen all the time in the Kingdom of God. God loves a cheerful giver and He himself is a cheerful giver. He’s looking for people to be his hands and feet on earth, to notice who has need and to give without counting the cost. Why? Not because he needs our little goods but because what we do with our goods shows where our heart lies! And the thing that God is most interested in is our heart. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6 v 21).
This is so exciting to me. Watching God in action is so faith-building…. Which brings me back to Anastasia. When she got into the car today, she had a sweet sosatie from school. It looked so yummy. She immediately gave the whole thing to Christian as she got into the car. I said to her “Stashe, you don’t have to.” She said “I want to.” And that was that. We then went to the Crazy Store and Christian chose something he wanted and Anastasia chose something she wanted. I told them they would both have to save up to get it. On our way out of the shop, a lady came to me and said “I just feel I need to buy your little girl the thing she wants.” So the lady told her to run and choose and paid for it at the till. Anastasia left with that little desire of her heart and Christian with nothing. He has said to me “You’re not fair Mom. How can you not buy me what I want?” I said “But Christian, I said to you both I’m not buying anything. A stranger gave Anastasia what she wanted and quietly thought to myself “I can’t get in the way of God. When He opens a door, no man can close it.” (
About 6 months ago, someone who Anastasia has never met walked upto her and said “My girl, at your young age, you already have an inheritance in heaven. You already have rewards stored up there.” You go, my precious girl. And I hope Mommy takes a leaf out of your book.
The Bible says
“It is more blessed to give than too receive” – Acts 20 v 35
“I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward.” – Mark 9 v41
“Freely you have received, freely give.” – Matthew 10 v 8
“Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44 They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” – Mark 12 v 43 – 44
Time and time again, I have seen that you can not out-give God because He owns way more than you’ll ever own. The Bible is so clear when it says “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galations 6 v 7).
God tells us to consider eternity in every decision we make – "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6 v 19 and 20). This scripture has become my goal in life. Every time we do anything for somebody no matter how small because they are a disciple, the Bible says we will get our reward in heaven. A reward that moth and dust CAN NOT destroy and a reward that will last an eternity. It takes real faith to live this way, because you have to believe God at His word and live for eternity rather than for this short life, which the Bible calls just a breath (Job 7 v 7). This short life comes and goes and we can choose to build up our treasures here where moth and dust will destroy, or to build up our treasures in heaven where nothing will destroy.
On that day when we stand at the gateway of eternity (and it will come for everyone, that is a 100% certainty), the Bible says our works are going to be tested by fire. The pointless, arbitrary, selfish things are going to be burnt up, but every little thing we did for Christ will stand the test and the Bible says we will not be without our reward for these things. (1 Corinthian 3 v 13, 14 and 15) Isn’t that exciting? I find that so cool…
The kingdom of God does not operate the way the world operates. God says “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all his righteousness, and I will provide what you need.” (Matthew 6 v 33) And God doesn’t have a short memory. He wants to bless us! The Bible says “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7 v 11)
When we were doing well in about 2006, we felt God tell us to give someone a car. So we did. We didn’t know why him of all people, we just listened and did it, anonymously. After we gave it, our faith was so built up by the wisdom and mercy of our God in that guy’s life – we realized that he could now get to work and earn a living and he could also go fetch his kids and spend time with them on a regular basis – a lot of fruit from a small bit of obedience. Years later, when we had lost everything in the property market crash, we returned back to SA and needed a car. Lo and behold, someone gave us a car. Things like this happen all the time in the Kingdom of God. God loves a cheerful giver and He himself is a cheerful giver. He’s looking for people to be his hands and feet on earth, to notice who has need and to give without counting the cost. Why? Not because he needs our little goods but because what we do with our goods shows where our heart lies! And the thing that God is most interested in is our heart. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6 v 21).
This is so exciting to me. Watching God in action is so faith-building…. Which brings me back to Anastasia. When she got into the car today, she had a sweet sosatie from school. It looked so yummy. She immediately gave the whole thing to Christian as she got into the car. I said to her “Stashe, you don’t have to.” She said “I want to.” And that was that. We then went to the Crazy Store and Christian chose something he wanted and Anastasia chose something she wanted. I told them they would both have to save up to get it. On our way out of the shop, a lady came to me and said “I just feel I need to buy your little girl the thing she wants.” So the lady told her to run and choose and paid for it at the till. Anastasia left with that little desire of her heart and Christian with nothing. He has said to me “You’re not fair Mom. How can you not buy me what I want?” I said “But Christian, I said to you both I’m not buying anything. A stranger gave Anastasia what she wanted and quietly thought to myself “I can’t get in the way of God. When He opens a door, no man can close it.” (
About 6 months ago, someone who Anastasia has never met walked upto her and said “My girl, at your young age, you already have an inheritance in heaven. You already have rewards stored up there.” You go, my precious girl. And I hope Mommy takes a leaf out of your book.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
"Never" is a very strong word...
The word “never” is one of the strongest words in the dictionary. It means “Not even once, in the past, present or future - not ever.” It’s an ‘absolute’ word.
The Bible uses the word “never” in 1 Corinthians 13 v 8…. I read it this morning and I started thinking about the bigness of that. In a life where we sometimes succeed and sometimes fail, there is something we can do that will never fail…. Not ever, not even once.
Nick’s going away this weekend and for some reason, I am totally overwhelmed at the thought of being alone for four days. I’ve barely been able to focus because it feels like I’m about to face this MaSSive ChallEnge - Will I cope with our three small children on my own, will I be scared at night, what will we do for fun, how am I gonna get them all to bed at night? I know - It sounds ridiculous but for some reason, this thing has me gripped with fear! My brilliant plan was to (a) survive and (b) count down the days until he gets back. Good plan Batman! It took me days to come up with that one…lol
Anyway, the point is I haven’t been myself this week and when I read 1 Corinthians 13, the word “never” stcuk out to me… I haven’t been a great wife this week and I haven’t been a great parent. I’ve been lost in my own thoughts and biting my nails… Absent minded… my mind’s been absent… And I’ve been wondering – how will I ever get it right to be a godly wife, a wise and loving parent, a faithful friend AND use all my gifts to the max to grow the kingdom?
I want to become 1 Corinthians 13.
What is impossible with man, is possible with God. He can turn me into 1 Corinthians 13. Come on Lord – instill these things so deep in me that no-one and nothing can pull them out!
“Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love NEVER fails.”
The Bible uses the word “never” in 1 Corinthians 13 v 8…. I read it this morning and I started thinking about the bigness of that. In a life where we sometimes succeed and sometimes fail, there is something we can do that will never fail…. Not ever, not even once.
Nick’s going away this weekend and for some reason, I am totally overwhelmed at the thought of being alone for four days. I’ve barely been able to focus because it feels like I’m about to face this MaSSive ChallEnge - Will I cope with our three small children on my own, will I be scared at night, what will we do for fun, how am I gonna get them all to bed at night? I know - It sounds ridiculous but for some reason, this thing has me gripped with fear! My brilliant plan was to (a) survive and (b) count down the days until he gets back. Good plan Batman! It took me days to come up with that one…lol
Anyway, the point is I haven’t been myself this week and when I read 1 Corinthians 13, the word “never” stcuk out to me… I haven’t been a great wife this week and I haven’t been a great parent. I’ve been lost in my own thoughts and biting my nails… Absent minded… my mind’s been absent… And I’ve been wondering – how will I ever get it right to be a godly wife, a wise and loving parent, a faithful friend AND use all my gifts to the max to grow the kingdom?
I want to become 1 Corinthians 13.
What is impossible with man, is possible with God. He can turn me into 1 Corinthians 13. Come on Lord – instill these things so deep in me that no-one and nothing can pull them out!
“Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love NEVER fails.”
Saturday, July 2, 2011
"I trusted you! You promised to be with me and help me but you didn't."
Ordinary's step was light as he travelled into the Unknown. Around each corner, he expected to find the Land of Promise where he would find his Big Dream.
But he didn't find it. Instead he soon found himself at the edge of a wide chasm. A haze obscured the view below. When he reached the bottom, he saw what lay ahead. And what he saw made his heart sink. He saw miles and miles of nothing but sand, rocks and a few scraggly trees. He was standing on the edge of an empty Wasteland.
"How could any wonderful Dreamgiver live here?" he thought. He wasn't sure. But the path continued, curving away into the dreary distance. So he decided to go on.
Ordinary walked. Amd walked. Everytime he became hungry, he opened his suitcase and ate. And everytime he became thirsy, he opened it and drank. And everytime he thought about his dream, he decided to keep going.
Time past. Ordinary's skin burned. His feet blistered. His bones ached. One day blurred into another. And then one day he became hungry and opened his case - and didn't find anything to eat. That was the day Ordinary began to worry. He called out to the Dreamgiver for food. But he got no answer.
Two days later, he ran out of water. He called out to the Dreamgiver again. And again, heard nothing. Fortunately, that was also the day Ordinary managed to find a trickle of water coming from a rock. At least now, he was only starving.
But if he was smart enough to find water, maybe he could find food. Sure enough, it wasn't too long before he spotted a strange bush with some strange desert fruit hanging from its branches. Ordinary tried one. It didn@t taste sweet, but it didn't taste sour either so Ordinary ate his fill.
Still the Dreamgiver was nowhere in sight.
More time past. The longest hours and days Ordinary could ever remember passed. Desperately, he began to look for a way out. One day he followed what looked like a shortcut over a ridge. But it led to a canyon that ended in quicksand. He tried travelling at night when it was cooler but he kept losing the trail.
Every delay made him more determined to find a quicker route. But every attempt only led to another dead end.
Again and again, Ordinary lost his way. Again and again, he cried out to the dreamgiver to show him the way. But no answer came. Why had he ever trusted the Dreamgiver to guide him in the first place?
The day came when Ordinary finally gave up. He sat on his suitcase and refused to move until the Dreamgiver showed up with a plan.
But the Dreamgiver didn't show up that day, or the next.
Ordinary had never felt so lost and alone. He became angry. he got angrier and angrier.
And then a hard, hot wind began to blow.
The wind blew all that day and all the next. Sand blew into Ordinary's eyes. It blew into his teeth and ears.
When the wind finally stopped, Ordinary stood up. But as far as he could see, there was only sand. The path to his dream had disappeared completely. Obviously his entire trip through the wasteland had been a waste.!
Hot tears coursed down his dirty cheeks. "You're not a dreamgiver!" he shouted at the sky. "You're a dreamtaker! I trusted you! You promised to be with me and help me, but you didn't"
Then Ordinary stumbled in despair across the sandy Waste, dragging his empty suitcase behind him. His dream was dead and now he wanted to die too.
When he came to a straggly tree, he lay down in its straggly patch of shade and closed his eyes.
That night, he slept the sleep of a dreamless Dreamer.
The next morning, Ordinary heard something. Startled, he peered up to see a shimmering Somebody sitting in he branches of the tree.
"Who are you" he asked, as she climbed down to the ground.
"My name is Faith", she said. "The Dreamgiver sent me to help you."
"But it's oo late!" cried Ordinary. "My dream is dead. When I needed the Dreamgiver most, he was nowhere in sight."
"What do you need that you have not received?" asked Faith.
"Well, if it weren't for the few springs of water I found," answered Ordinary "I'd be dead of thirst by now!"
"Yes, and?" she asked.
"If it weren't for the fruit I found, I'd be a walking skeleton," he replied. "Wait, I am a walking skeleton! I could die of starvation any minute!"
"Oh my!" Faith murmured, "And?"
"Well," huffed Ordinary "A little guidance would've been nice. Ever since I came here, it has been one delay after another. I've been wondering in circles since I don't know when. What a waste!"
"I see," said Faith, "So what will you do now?"
"Just tell me how to get back to Familiar" he said.
"I'm sorry" she said "but I can't help you with that."
"That figures," said Ordinary. "The Dreamgiver sends me a helper that can't even help."
"You might be right," said Faith, "But that's for you to decide."
Then faith walked away in a direction Ordinary felt sure was wrong.
It wasn't long before Ordinary began to have second thoughts. What if he was wrong? He wished he hadn't been so rude to the somebody called Faith. And he had began to miss her. He realised that while they were talking, he had felt hope for the first time in a really long time.
Ordinary jumped to his feet and scanned the horizon.
"Faith!" he cried, but she was nowhere in sight.
"Faith" he cried again, but there was no reply.
Then Ordinary had an idea. He climbed the scraggly tree to the top. From there, he could see Faith in the distance. As quickly as he could, he climbed down and set off in the same direction.
Later that same day, Ordinary was eating some fruit beside a trickle of water, when he saw his journey through the Wasteland in a whole new way.
Food enough for the day.
Water, when he needed to drink.
A path to follow that led to faith.
How could he have been so blind? Even when the Dreamgiver had been nowhere in sight, he had always been near.
That was the day, too, that Ordinary looked at his empty suitcase and decided it was time to leave it behind.
He made a makeshift knapsack, took his Dream Journal and feather and ink, and walked on.
After that, whenever Ordinary saw a straggly tree, he climbed it and looked for Faith. And when he had her in sight, he marked the direction and started walking again.
One day, Ordinary met some dreamers returning to Familiar. They told him a sad story. They had crossed the Wasteland and nearly reached the Land of Promise. But then they encountered Giants so large and overwhelming that the dreamers felt as small as grasshoppers. And the Dreamgiver had been nowhere in sight.
The Nobodies sounded convincing. And he recognised their weariness. But as they continued talking, he saw something more. The had stopped trusting the Dreamgiver and now they were travelling in the opposite direction of Faith.
When the Nobodies strongly warned him that what lay ahead was too hard, he saw something else. He had changed. His trip through the wasteland had not been a Waste. Now he was prepared for what lay ahead no matter how hard.
"Travel safely," he told the returning Nobodies, "But I'll be going on."
As Ordinary pressed on through the desert, his Dream beat brightly in his chest again. And the more the sun blazed, the more Ordinary believed that he could find the Land of Promise, no matter how long it took - if only he took the way of Faith......
This is an excerpt from "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson...
But he didn't find it. Instead he soon found himself at the edge of a wide chasm. A haze obscured the view below. When he reached the bottom, he saw what lay ahead. And what he saw made his heart sink. He saw miles and miles of nothing but sand, rocks and a few scraggly trees. He was standing on the edge of an empty Wasteland.
"How could any wonderful Dreamgiver live here?" he thought. He wasn't sure. But the path continued, curving away into the dreary distance. So he decided to go on.
Ordinary walked. Amd walked. Everytime he became hungry, he opened his suitcase and ate. And everytime he became thirsy, he opened it and drank. And everytime he thought about his dream, he decided to keep going.
Time past. Ordinary's skin burned. His feet blistered. His bones ached. One day blurred into another. And then one day he became hungry and opened his case - and didn't find anything to eat. That was the day Ordinary began to worry. He called out to the Dreamgiver for food. But he got no answer.
Two days later, he ran out of water. He called out to the Dreamgiver again. And again, heard nothing. Fortunately, that was also the day Ordinary managed to find a trickle of water coming from a rock. At least now, he was only starving.
But if he was smart enough to find water, maybe he could find food. Sure enough, it wasn't too long before he spotted a strange bush with some strange desert fruit hanging from its branches. Ordinary tried one. It didn@t taste sweet, but it didn't taste sour either so Ordinary ate his fill.
Still the Dreamgiver was nowhere in sight.
More time past. The longest hours and days Ordinary could ever remember passed. Desperately, he began to look for a way out. One day he followed what looked like a shortcut over a ridge. But it led to a canyon that ended in quicksand. He tried travelling at night when it was cooler but he kept losing the trail.
Every delay made him more determined to find a quicker route. But every attempt only led to another dead end.
Again and again, Ordinary lost his way. Again and again, he cried out to the dreamgiver to show him the way. But no answer came. Why had he ever trusted the Dreamgiver to guide him in the first place?
The day came when Ordinary finally gave up. He sat on his suitcase and refused to move until the Dreamgiver showed up with a plan.
But the Dreamgiver didn't show up that day, or the next.
Ordinary had never felt so lost and alone. He became angry. he got angrier and angrier.
And then a hard, hot wind began to blow.
The wind blew all that day and all the next. Sand blew into Ordinary's eyes. It blew into his teeth and ears.
When the wind finally stopped, Ordinary stood up. But as far as he could see, there was only sand. The path to his dream had disappeared completely. Obviously his entire trip through the wasteland had been a waste.!
Hot tears coursed down his dirty cheeks. "You're not a dreamgiver!" he shouted at the sky. "You're a dreamtaker! I trusted you! You promised to be with me and help me, but you didn't"
Then Ordinary stumbled in despair across the sandy Waste, dragging his empty suitcase behind him. His dream was dead and now he wanted to die too.
When he came to a straggly tree, he lay down in its straggly patch of shade and closed his eyes.
That night, he slept the sleep of a dreamless Dreamer.
The next morning, Ordinary heard something. Startled, he peered up to see a shimmering Somebody sitting in he branches of the tree.
"Who are you" he asked, as she climbed down to the ground.
"My name is Faith", she said. "The Dreamgiver sent me to help you."
"But it's oo late!" cried Ordinary. "My dream is dead. When I needed the Dreamgiver most, he was nowhere in sight."
"What do you need that you have not received?" asked Faith.
"Well, if it weren't for the few springs of water I found," answered Ordinary "I'd be dead of thirst by now!"
"Yes, and?" she asked.
"If it weren't for the fruit I found, I'd be a walking skeleton," he replied. "Wait, I am a walking skeleton! I could die of starvation any minute!"
"Oh my!" Faith murmured, "And?"
"Well," huffed Ordinary "A little guidance would've been nice. Ever since I came here, it has been one delay after another. I've been wondering in circles since I don't know when. What a waste!"
"I see," said Faith, "So what will you do now?"
"Just tell me how to get back to Familiar" he said.
"I'm sorry" she said "but I can't help you with that."
"That figures," said Ordinary. "The Dreamgiver sends me a helper that can't even help."
"You might be right," said Faith, "But that's for you to decide."
Then faith walked away in a direction Ordinary felt sure was wrong.
It wasn't long before Ordinary began to have second thoughts. What if he was wrong? He wished he hadn't been so rude to the somebody called Faith. And he had began to miss her. He realised that while they were talking, he had felt hope for the first time in a really long time.
Ordinary jumped to his feet and scanned the horizon.
"Faith!" he cried, but she was nowhere in sight.
"Faith" he cried again, but there was no reply.
Then Ordinary had an idea. He climbed the scraggly tree to the top. From there, he could see Faith in the distance. As quickly as he could, he climbed down and set off in the same direction.
Later that same day, Ordinary was eating some fruit beside a trickle of water, when he saw his journey through the Wasteland in a whole new way.
Food enough for the day.
Water, when he needed to drink.
A path to follow that led to faith.
How could he have been so blind? Even when the Dreamgiver had been nowhere in sight, he had always been near.
That was the day, too, that Ordinary looked at his empty suitcase and decided it was time to leave it behind.
He made a makeshift knapsack, took his Dream Journal and feather and ink, and walked on.
After that, whenever Ordinary saw a straggly tree, he climbed it and looked for Faith. And when he had her in sight, he marked the direction and started walking again.
One day, Ordinary met some dreamers returning to Familiar. They told him a sad story. They had crossed the Wasteland and nearly reached the Land of Promise. But then they encountered Giants so large and overwhelming that the dreamers felt as small as grasshoppers. And the Dreamgiver had been nowhere in sight.
The Nobodies sounded convincing. And he recognised their weariness. But as they continued talking, he saw something more. The had stopped trusting the Dreamgiver and now they were travelling in the opposite direction of Faith.
When the Nobodies strongly warned him that what lay ahead was too hard, he saw something else. He had changed. His trip through the wasteland had not been a Waste. Now he was prepared for what lay ahead no matter how hard.
"Travel safely," he told the returning Nobodies, "But I'll be going on."
As Ordinary pressed on through the desert, his Dream beat brightly in his chest again. And the more the sun blazed, the more Ordinary believed that he could find the Land of Promise, no matter how long it took - if only he took the way of Faith......
This is an excerpt from "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson...
Monday, June 20, 2011
In a dark tunnel
I'm just thinking about all the people I know who are going through something very difficult this week ... I can think of so many and I can feel my own heart paining... it's funny how all the hardest things in life, we face alone. People can empathise but they can't go through it for you and everybody's life has to go on. How many of us have had a moment where our life was falling apart and we look around at the hustle and bustle around us and realise that it is actually just our world that has stopped - the rest of the world is still going. I think of Daniel in the lions den, David facing Goliath, Samson blind and weak tied to the temple posts, and even Jesus who asked his disciples to stay awake and pray on the night he knew he was going to die. It seems that there are times in our life when we enter a tunnel and even the closest people to us can't help no matter how well meaning they are. The Bible says that God is an everpresent help in times of trouble. Everpresent. He is the only one that can get into that tunnel with us when the rest of the world has gone quiet. That is why the psalmist says "I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from, my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." I'm praying tonight for those I know who are in that tunnel. May they find the person who can get to them there. His light will shine when all else fades.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
God in London
For those of you that don't know, I am in the UK on a 3 week contract. I was offered the position on Wednesday and asked if I can start on Tuesday. So we had a few days to book the ticket and get me here. Anyway, I found my way yesterday to Hillsong Church in the centre of London. Neither of the trains that could take me there were working, but there was no way I was going to miss it and I saw the fact that both trains were broken as more confirmation that I needed to get there. So I pushed on, changing stations and trying to find a route that was operational. As I was on my way, my continual prayer was "God, I need to find solid rock under my feet right now. I need to find you." When I finally got there, I felt like a fish that had been flapping around on the sidewalk and was now back in water. I took a deep breath and felt so at home among so many people who know God - I recognise the same Spirit anywhere and it is always home to me.
The church meets in the same theatre that they use for the musical "We will rock you" so you can imagine the sight that greeted me as I walked through the doors. The word 'Wow' came out of my mouth involuntarily about 4 times. After the 4th time, I apologised to the guy in front of me for saying "Wow" so many times in his ear. The atmosphere was electric and of course the worship of thousands of people in unison was awesome. Flashing on the screens in front was the phrase "The church is not peripheral to the world, the world is peripheral to the church."
I had wanted to go in the morning but through circumstance, I had missed the two morning services and ended up at the 15h30 service and it was no accident ... The message may as well have started out with the words "Nikki Venter, so glad you made it, this is what the Lord would say to you right now." More than once, I sat there with tears in my eyes as God answered questions that I have been wrestling with this week and reminded me about who He is. And when I remember who He is, then the question of "What the heck?!" becomes irrelevant. On a more apostolic note, it was so amazing to see one of the world's many local churches flexing its muscles. Will definitely be back there next week.
The church meets in the same theatre that they use for the musical "We will rock you" so you can imagine the sight that greeted me as I walked through the doors. The word 'Wow' came out of my mouth involuntarily about 4 times. After the 4th time, I apologised to the guy in front of me for saying "Wow" so many times in his ear. The atmosphere was electric and of course the worship of thousands of people in unison was awesome. Flashing on the screens in front was the phrase "The church is not peripheral to the world, the world is peripheral to the church."
I had wanted to go in the morning but through circumstance, I had missed the two morning services and ended up at the 15h30 service and it was no accident ... The message may as well have started out with the words "Nikki Venter, so glad you made it, this is what the Lord would say to you right now." More than once, I sat there with tears in my eyes as God answered questions that I have been wrestling with this week and reminded me about who He is. And when I remember who He is, then the question of "What the heck?!" becomes irrelevant. On a more apostolic note, it was so amazing to see one of the world's many local churches flexing its muscles. Will definitely be back there next week.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
If you want to love with me - Nick's song
Oh my word! We're moving house so I was dusting off old photos and items and carefully packing them for the move when I came across this! This is a song by Keith Green that I wrote on a serviette for Nick the night we got engaged.
"If you want to love with me, love with me then,
I only ask that you still be my friend,
For there are many where friendships unknown,
They live together, but really alone.
And the days go their ways in silence,
Tense hours of woe,
We do not mean to have it so.
I know that sometimes I'm harder to love,
I thrash out blindly, like nothing's thought of,
So won't you help me to help you be sure,
God only knows that I want to be pure.
But the world keeps it promise daily, pulling me down,
But it can't hide what I have found.
So I will love you, and love you I do,
It's not complete yet, but you know we're not through
And the days go their ways in blessings,
Moments of truth,
We truly dare not waste our youth
You want to love with me, love with me then."
I remember how I felt when I gave him that serviette. I had a fear of ending up with one of those marriages you often see in a restaurant - the ones where no-one talks and they just eat in silence and look around and then leave. Whenever I saw couples like that, I thought "Oh God, please rather let us fight than end up like that. At least if you're fighting, you know you both still care." So that's why he got the serviette after he proposed... :)
Anyway, I often communicate in songs and I've had many for Nick... I bombard the poor man with a new song for every season of our lives... When we moved to the UK with two small children and the clothes on our back, our song became "Umbrella" by Rihanna.
"Because, when the sun shines, we shine together.
Told you I'd be here forever.
Said I'd always be your friend.
Took an oath I would stick it out to the end.
Now that it's raining more than ever.
Know that we still have each other.
You can stand under my umbrella.
You can stand under my umbrella."
Thinking back we've had quite a ride! Nothing boring about the life I've have had with Nick. I might die of a heart attack but I won't die of boredom!
I was looking at him playing on the carpet with the kids the other day and thinking about:
a)how good looking he is and
b)how he takes night duty with Jasmine every night so that I can sleep
and I thought to myself "How did I get such a diamond in the rough?" Nobody knows his faults better than I do. I've watched him survive the toothpaste test and I am sure of one thing - Nick is one of God's favourites... gifted, anointed and highly favoured. God has taken so much time, care and effort working on his foundations. As in Braveheart, we've heard Him say "Hold! Hold!" but the time must surely be near for the "God of the Suddenlies" to say "Now!"
God, you are good to me. Not a day goes by without me knowing it xxxx
"If you want to love with me, love with me then,
I only ask that you still be my friend,
For there are many where friendships unknown,
They live together, but really alone.
And the days go their ways in silence,
Tense hours of woe,
We do not mean to have it so.
I know that sometimes I'm harder to love,
I thrash out blindly, like nothing's thought of,
So won't you help me to help you be sure,
God only knows that I want to be pure.
But the world keeps it promise daily, pulling me down,
But it can't hide what I have found.
So I will love you, and love you I do,
It's not complete yet, but you know we're not through
And the days go their ways in blessings,
Moments of truth,
We truly dare not waste our youth
You want to love with me, love with me then."
I remember how I felt when I gave him that serviette. I had a fear of ending up with one of those marriages you often see in a restaurant - the ones where no-one talks and they just eat in silence and look around and then leave. Whenever I saw couples like that, I thought "Oh God, please rather let us fight than end up like that. At least if you're fighting, you know you both still care." So that's why he got the serviette after he proposed... :)
Anyway, I often communicate in songs and I've had many for Nick... I bombard the poor man with a new song for every season of our lives... When we moved to the UK with two small children and the clothes on our back, our song became "Umbrella" by Rihanna.
"Because, when the sun shines, we shine together.
Told you I'd be here forever.
Said I'd always be your friend.
Took an oath I would stick it out to the end.
Now that it's raining more than ever.
Know that we still have each other.
You can stand under my umbrella.
You can stand under my umbrella."
Thinking back we've had quite a ride! Nothing boring about the life I've have had with Nick. I might die of a heart attack but I won't die of boredom!
I was looking at him playing on the carpet with the kids the other day and thinking about:
a)how good looking he is and
b)how he takes night duty with Jasmine every night so that I can sleep
and I thought to myself "How did I get such a diamond in the rough?" Nobody knows his faults better than I do. I've watched him survive the toothpaste test and I am sure of one thing - Nick is one of God's favourites... gifted, anointed and highly favoured. God has taken so much time, care and effort working on his foundations. As in Braveheart, we've heard Him say "Hold! Hold!" but the time must surely be near for the "God of the Suddenlies" to say "Now!"
God, you are good to me. Not a day goes by without me knowing it xxxx
Monday, April 11, 2011
A few things you didn't know about your spouse
I’ve been reading two books recently that I have found very interesting.
Basically, what they did is they conducted surveys with thousands of men and they put their findings in a book called “For women only” so wives can understand their husbands a bit better and they also did one called “For men only” which contains the results of the surveys conducted on women.
Being the nosy little parker I am, I read both.
Two things struck me hard from the book about men:
1) The first thing is that even if they’re happily married Christian men, they battle not to look at a pretty girl. They are created to want to look. It’s a struggle that was almost unanimous, from young to old, married to unmarried, Christian to non-Christian and even elders fessed up to fighting the battle against this particular sin. Looking at a woman with lust is a sin – the Bible says it is as bad as committing adultery with her. So for Christian men, this must be a constant ongoing struggle they face. I thought to myself “Not my Nick.” But the stats were so overwhelming that I asked him and to my surprise he said “Yes, I do want to look. I stop myself most times but I do notice when there is a healthy girl around.”... ‘healthy’ is obviously code for a hot bod. I held in my trauma and let him speak and I realised that even though I’ve got one of the most faithful guys around, even he has this battle. As a wife, this is very wounding and I immediately thought “Am I not good enough? What’s wrong with me? Why would he want to look at anyone else?” But the studies showed that this battle is not at all related to how much a man loves his wife. Even those who have the healthiest marriages with wives that look like bikini models still have to fight not to look at a woman with a nice body, so I let that comfort me.... :)
2) The other thing which I found interesting (and uncomfortable) was that almost every man surveyed found it extremely important that his wife look after herself. None of them can tell their wives this because it is such an incredibly touchy subject and would always cause heartache and a fight, but nearly every single one said they have a secret desire for their wives to make looking after herself and her body a priority – basically to try stay in shape and wear some make-up, etc.... Because men are so visual, if they see that their wives are making an effort in this area, they view this as an act of love and kindness towards them. And almost every man said he would throw money and time at helping his wife stay in shape. It’s obviously a biggie.
Not cool things to hear, hey? I know I’d love to stick my head in the sand and believe that Nick is immune to looking at pretty girls and that he will find me attractive no matter what I look like because he loves me, but it turns out, Chickens, that although our men won’t tell us these things, they are in fact almost unanimous! I remember reading a statement made by a renowned Christian author speaking to Christian wives and she said "Don't ask your husband if he's struggles not to look at other women, because he does. The question to ask is how can you help him in this area. Even Job who the Bible describes as ‘blameless’ had to make a covenant with his eyes not to look at a woman with lust other than his wife. I realise now that the reason he had to go as far as making a covenant is simple – Job was a man.
For the men reading this blog, the three unanimous things about women were these:
1) The first is that “I do” is never going to be enough for most women. A woman always wants to know “Do you still?” and she can and will behave very badly and very irrationally if she is feeling insecure about whether you love her or not. Most women at some stage have actually driven their men away to check “Will he come back?” It is her trying to answer the constant question she has gnawing away at her - “Do you still love me?” Even the most confident women doubt quite regularly if her husband really loves her. It’s an inbuilt insecurity that goes right back to Genesis and is the bane of our existence. Most women said that when men stomp out in an argument, the biggest concern they have is “Are we okay? Does he still love me?” The book says that if the husbands would just say “I want you to know that we’re okay and I still love you, I just need some space” it would relieve a lot of trauma.
2) This one shocked the guys – Almost 100% of women would choose a healthy relationship with their husband over financial security. This basically means that almost all women would prefer to be poor and happily married with a husband who adores her to being rich and unhappily married to a husband that she is not sure loves her. The well-being of the marriage is of utmost importance to women.
3) The reason women can’t let something go is because their minds are like a laptop with lots of open windows at the same time. A woman is incapable of closing a window until the issue has been resolved. If it has not been resolved, she can minimise it but it will pop open again at random until it is resolved. Men can set things aside and move on, but almost all women need the thing to be properly dealt with to close the window. I know this is an irritating one guys, but women are apparently made that way. That’s why when you get home, you get bombarded with things as you walk in the door... it’s all the open windows from the day :)
Anyway, I found these things interesting and helpful so I thought I’d quickly blog them. Try get the books if you can because this is a very rough summary... Basically I think we’re all more alike than we realise or than we’d care to admit. :)
Basically, what they did is they conducted surveys with thousands of men and they put their findings in a book called “For women only” so wives can understand their husbands a bit better and they also did one called “For men only” which contains the results of the surveys conducted on women.
Being the nosy little parker I am, I read both.
Two things struck me hard from the book about men:
1) The first thing is that even if they’re happily married Christian men, they battle not to look at a pretty girl. They are created to want to look. It’s a struggle that was almost unanimous, from young to old, married to unmarried, Christian to non-Christian and even elders fessed up to fighting the battle against this particular sin. Looking at a woman with lust is a sin – the Bible says it is as bad as committing adultery with her. So for Christian men, this must be a constant ongoing struggle they face. I thought to myself “Not my Nick.” But the stats were so overwhelming that I asked him and to my surprise he said “Yes, I do want to look. I stop myself most times but I do notice when there is a healthy girl around.”... ‘healthy’ is obviously code for a hot bod. I held in my trauma and let him speak and I realised that even though I’ve got one of the most faithful guys around, even he has this battle. As a wife, this is very wounding and I immediately thought “Am I not good enough? What’s wrong with me? Why would he want to look at anyone else?” But the studies showed that this battle is not at all related to how much a man loves his wife. Even those who have the healthiest marriages with wives that look like bikini models still have to fight not to look at a woman with a nice body, so I let that comfort me.... :)
2) The other thing which I found interesting (and uncomfortable) was that almost every man surveyed found it extremely important that his wife look after herself. None of them can tell their wives this because it is such an incredibly touchy subject and would always cause heartache and a fight, but nearly every single one said they have a secret desire for their wives to make looking after herself and her body a priority – basically to try stay in shape and wear some make-up, etc.... Because men are so visual, if they see that their wives are making an effort in this area, they view this as an act of love and kindness towards them. And almost every man said he would throw money and time at helping his wife stay in shape. It’s obviously a biggie.
Not cool things to hear, hey? I know I’d love to stick my head in the sand and believe that Nick is immune to looking at pretty girls and that he will find me attractive no matter what I look like because he loves me, but it turns out, Chickens, that although our men won’t tell us these things, they are in fact almost unanimous! I remember reading a statement made by a renowned Christian author speaking to Christian wives and she said "Don't ask your husband if he's struggles not to look at other women, because he does. The question to ask is how can you help him in this area. Even Job who the Bible describes as ‘blameless’ had to make a covenant with his eyes not to look at a woman with lust other than his wife. I realise now that the reason he had to go as far as making a covenant is simple – Job was a man.
For the men reading this blog, the three unanimous things about women were these:
1) The first is that “I do” is never going to be enough for most women. A woman always wants to know “Do you still?” and she can and will behave very badly and very irrationally if she is feeling insecure about whether you love her or not. Most women at some stage have actually driven their men away to check “Will he come back?” It is her trying to answer the constant question she has gnawing away at her - “Do you still love me?” Even the most confident women doubt quite regularly if her husband really loves her. It’s an inbuilt insecurity that goes right back to Genesis and is the bane of our existence. Most women said that when men stomp out in an argument, the biggest concern they have is “Are we okay? Does he still love me?” The book says that if the husbands would just say “I want you to know that we’re okay and I still love you, I just need some space” it would relieve a lot of trauma.
2) This one shocked the guys – Almost 100% of women would choose a healthy relationship with their husband over financial security. This basically means that almost all women would prefer to be poor and happily married with a husband who adores her to being rich and unhappily married to a husband that she is not sure loves her. The well-being of the marriage is of utmost importance to women.
3) The reason women can’t let something go is because their minds are like a laptop with lots of open windows at the same time. A woman is incapable of closing a window until the issue has been resolved. If it has not been resolved, she can minimise it but it will pop open again at random until it is resolved. Men can set things aside and move on, but almost all women need the thing to be properly dealt with to close the window. I know this is an irritating one guys, but women are apparently made that way. That’s why when you get home, you get bombarded with things as you walk in the door... it’s all the open windows from the day :)
Anyway, I found these things interesting and helpful so I thought I’d quickly blog them. Try get the books if you can because this is a very rough summary... Basically I think we’re all more alike than we realise or than we’d care to admit. :)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
"For I know the secret to contentment" - The Apostle Paul in Phillippians 4 v 12
I ordered the Jeremy Riddle Live Worship cd and to my absolute excitement, it arrived yesterday. I’ve been sitting in my car soaking it in... Listening to him sing about Jesus has taken me from goosebumps to tears. We so don’t get it. The Bible says that we see in part, but one day we will see in full. We get glimpses of who Jesus is in church or when we’re experiencing his creation or when He answers a prayer, but these are just glimpses. His full majesty is yet to be revealed. The Bible says that Creation is groaning for Him to return, but God in His infinite love and mercy is waiting so that as many people as possible can be saved.
Anyway, the last song on the cd is a very famous and powerful hymn. I looked it up a while ago and this is what I found on Wikipedia.... The hymn was written by a man called Horatio Spafford after several traumatic events in his life. The first was the death of his only son in 1871 at the age of four, shortly followed by the Great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful lawyer). Then in 1873, he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the SS Ville du Havre, but sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business concerning zoning problems following the Great Chicago Fire. While crossing the Atlantic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with a sailing ship, the Loch Earn, and all four of Spafford's daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone." Shortly afterwards, as Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.
“When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.”
The book of James, chapter 1 is something I’ve read often but it always goes over my head as I dream about the day when all the trials will be over and everything will be sorted. Recently, as I have been in the thick of some trials, I’ve started to think “Maybe I must do what the Bible says and consider this pure joy! Maybe trials are exactly what I need to be moulded into the image of Christ. Maybe if life was perfect, I would not have compassion for those who are struggling. Maybe I’d be proud, unforgiving and merciless.”
Being close to the ground has given me a perspective about how many people are down here - people I would never have seen or thought about before, people who Jesus thinks about. The Bible says that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. In the world, we look up to the proud, but God looks up to the people that we don’t even notice.
What’s happened during this very difficult time in my life is that I’ve actually been given the opportunity to see life through someone else’s eyes. It’s been like a movie where you swop characters with someone and you get to live their life for a while. I am now realising, sometimes through tears, that these trial may actually be a gift from my God. How many people get to see life through the eyes of another?
I only pray that I will always remember it and always extend mercy as freely as I have received it. Being someone who never lacked for anything, I’ve never been a naturally merciful person. It’s one of the things Nick and I argued about when we first got married because he is ridiculously merciful and compassionate. He will take the shirt off his back and pass it on to someone he doesn’t know without even flinching or wondering how he is going to buy another shirt! I considered this very ‘unwise’. I am ashamed to say that my attitude was “You create your own lot in life and if you can’t get it right, then the fault is with you. Work harder or come up with a plan to sort it out. Don’t look for handouts.” Thankfully, my perspective has changed and hopefully one day I will be in the position to take a leaf out of my husband’s book and do lots of handouts, especially of the ‘unwise’ kind. Because doing what Jesus requires of us does not make ‘sense’ – Jesus requires us to do things that the world would not consider to be ‘wise’. But the Bible says “wisdom to the world is foolishness to God.” Proverbs 19 v 11 says that “He who gives to the poor, lends to God. God will repay him.”
I am grateful that I have been allowed to see life from the other side. It is embarrassing to think back about what a nana I was when life was easy. I think back on bold, rash statements I made and I cringe. All those words have come back to bite me as God is lovingly teaching me some things. He promises us that He will complete the work He started in us and He will do what it takes to produce the sweet fragrance of Jesus in us, a fragrance that is often produced only through suffering.
Anyway, the last song on the cd is a very famous and powerful hymn. I looked it up a while ago and this is what I found on Wikipedia.... The hymn was written by a man called Horatio Spafford after several traumatic events in his life. The first was the death of his only son in 1871 at the age of four, shortly followed by the Great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful lawyer). Then in 1873, he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the SS Ville du Havre, but sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business concerning zoning problems following the Great Chicago Fire. While crossing the Atlantic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with a sailing ship, the Loch Earn, and all four of Spafford's daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone." Shortly afterwards, as Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.
“When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.”
The book of James, chapter 1 is something I’ve read often but it always goes over my head as I dream about the day when all the trials will be over and everything will be sorted. Recently, as I have been in the thick of some trials, I’ve started to think “Maybe I must do what the Bible says and consider this pure joy! Maybe trials are exactly what I need to be moulded into the image of Christ. Maybe if life was perfect, I would not have compassion for those who are struggling. Maybe I’d be proud, unforgiving and merciless.”
Being close to the ground has given me a perspective about how many people are down here - people I would never have seen or thought about before, people who Jesus thinks about. The Bible says that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. In the world, we look up to the proud, but God looks up to the people that we don’t even notice.
What’s happened during this very difficult time in my life is that I’ve actually been given the opportunity to see life through someone else’s eyes. It’s been like a movie where you swop characters with someone and you get to live their life for a while. I am now realising, sometimes through tears, that these trial may actually be a gift from my God. How many people get to see life through the eyes of another?
I only pray that I will always remember it and always extend mercy as freely as I have received it. Being someone who never lacked for anything, I’ve never been a naturally merciful person. It’s one of the things Nick and I argued about when we first got married because he is ridiculously merciful and compassionate. He will take the shirt off his back and pass it on to someone he doesn’t know without even flinching or wondering how he is going to buy another shirt! I considered this very ‘unwise’. I am ashamed to say that my attitude was “You create your own lot in life and if you can’t get it right, then the fault is with you. Work harder or come up with a plan to sort it out. Don’t look for handouts.” Thankfully, my perspective has changed and hopefully one day I will be in the position to take a leaf out of my husband’s book and do lots of handouts, especially of the ‘unwise’ kind. Because doing what Jesus requires of us does not make ‘sense’ – Jesus requires us to do things that the world would not consider to be ‘wise’. But the Bible says “wisdom to the world is foolishness to God.” Proverbs 19 v 11 says that “He who gives to the poor, lends to God. God will repay him.”
I am grateful that I have been allowed to see life from the other side. It is embarrassing to think back about what a nana I was when life was easy. I think back on bold, rash statements I made and I cringe. All those words have come back to bite me as God is lovingly teaching me some things. He promises us that He will complete the work He started in us and He will do what it takes to produce the sweet fragrance of Jesus in us, a fragrance that is often produced only through suffering.
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