When you are going through the mill!

I went to go watch Wall Street tonight. I love how, after every disaster whether natural or man-made, the film industry always waits an obligatory two years for the dust to settle before pouncing on the movie rights and making the movie. The bleeding has usually stopped but the scars are still fresh when ‘the movie’ hits the big screen.

I’m glad I watched it because it has reminded me of something – It is not personal! It was a tidal wave that took out most of the globe, not just Joe Soap and his picket fence.

The stories I’ve heard are varied but they speak mostly of loss of everything. I was rich and now I am poor. I used to own this, now I own nothing. What I have realised though is the endings are not all the same. The ending is chosen by the individual. It either ends in hope and perspective about the important things in life, or it ends in front of a train. The ending seems to depend on where a person places his value. The Bible says that “Where your heart is, there your treasure will lie also.”

I will never forget in Varsity, one of our lecturers gave us a quote that went something like this:
“A person inevitably takes on the value of the thing that he worships. If he worships money, he will judge everyone in terms of their wealth and he himself will take on the value of his bank balance. But if he worships God, he will judge everyone in accordance with the fact that we are all God’s children and he himself will take on the value of being God’s child”

I spoke to a 60 year old man the other day. Up until three years ago, he had lived a life of luxury with many homes, many cars and many overseas holidays. Then in 2008, like so many, he started to lose everything and eventually was declared insolvent one year ago. He met God during this time and he is one of the blessed few that did not let it get to his heart. His adult daughter was supposed to be getting married a month after he was declared insolvent and he had planned a R160000.00 wedding for her. When he said to her “I can’t do it anymore”, she said “Dad, you’re seeing this wrong. If either Mom or one us kids had died and someone said to you that you could have us back again if you would just forfeit all your assets and money, what would you do?” He said to her “I’d give it all without blinking.” And she said to him “Well then Dad, what have you lost?”

I loved speaking to that man. He is full of joy and he has started over at the age of 60. He said he wouldn’t change it for the world because he has found Christ and his family is closer than they have ever been. He said he recognises that it wasn’t his fault so he is not going to hang his head in shame, he is going to get back into the game and do what he did before. And a year down the line, he has recovered a good portion of what he lost.

My heart goes out to the people who can’t see their way clear, to the ones who are holding on so tight and living in fear that if they let go, their world will come to an end. There is actually such liberty in letting go. It’s like you’re waiting for the bomb to go off, and it doesn’t. You close your eyes tight and you hear ... silence. Then you open your eyes and you’re still breathing, all the important things are still there and the worst part about it is that you start from scratch. There are still fun times, still laughs, lots of planning sessions, sweet time with the people you love and best of there are indescribable times in the presence of God that you can only really experience when you have reached the end of your own strength.

As I write this, my feelings are bittersweet. I am smiling because I am free of it. God has given me the grace to see it for what it is – a little thing. And I am finding this season with all its challenges to be one of hope. It has also glued my husband and I together with superglue. Our love for each other has gone to another level because we have faced this giant together. And there is something about staring down a giant that makes you cling to each other and harness every skill both of you have. You take what you got and you throw it in the pot! I love how sweet we have become with each other again.

But on the other side, I remember how it all felt before God did this miracle in my heart. I can not forget how it felt to not be able to see the wood from the trees and to be in the thick of it and terrified. Satan can take something the size of a mouse and put a big torch behind it so it looks 100 times bigger and scarier than it is. He operates with fear. As much as God works with faith, Satan works with fear. If he had it his way, we would all be walking around terrified and worried and anxious and totally missing the moment. If the Bible says the joy of the Lord is our strength, what do you think is the first thing that he tries to steal!

I so want to share the hope I have! More than ever before, I am telling people left, right and centre about Jesus. How can I not after what he has done for me? I’m sure some people are sick of hearing me proclaim the hope I have in Christ. Some probably think I’m LOoNy! Lol... But I’ll say it again as simply as possible - A short while ago, I was in situation that was bigger than me. Now I’m bigger than it. Or should I say, the God standing right behind me is bigger than it. I am like the little kid in the playground who nobody messes with because unbeknown to me, there is a teacher right behind me! Lol.

People, find rest in the arms of God. Really, it’s there, it’s available. You do not have to carry your burdens alone. Lift him to the rightful place in your life, elevated above all else and you will find rest. For the first time in my life, I understand the scripture “Come to me all you who are heavy laiden and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

A change of heart

What a strange time in my life. So many mixed emotions, but funnily enough, mostly joy. I can only thank God for that because it is a supernatural joy. I find myself smiling when I drive and laughing at silly things like a child would. And it’s all because the other day I had a revelation of something and it has changed me. The end...

Jokes! This is what happened. I was sitting in church last week totally overwhelmed at a situation I’ve been dealing with and not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve prayed, I’ve begged, I’ve tried all sorts of things, I’ve cried, I’ve indulged in some lovely self pity, I’ve done the right things ...and nothing has made it better. Nothing more I can do. And no change. In fact, it has kept getting worse and it’s now at the final stage. So I’m at the back of the church and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. All I can think is “God, where are you? Can you please do a miracle here. What am I going to do?.” Nothing. Prayers bouncing off the ceiling. Closed heaven. And I’m watching everyone singing and I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack from the stress. I just want to cry and cry. Then I start to feel a tugging on my heart. It’s like a quiet question “Will you praise me even if things never change? Will you lift your hands to me in adoration as things come crashing down?” And right there, I was given the opportunity to make a decision. Do I only praise God in the good times? Do I only sing of His goodness when He answers my prayers? Or do I lift my hands and sing praises to the Living God because He is good, regardless of whatever situation I am facing. I decided that even if I struggle until my dying breath, God is good and He is worthy of my praise. So I got up, lifted my hands and through tears, sang to God and told Him how much I love Him. I sang words about His kindness, His mercy, His goodness and His unchanging love.

After that, it’s like something has shifted in the heavenlies. Has my situation changed? No, in fact, it is still deteriorating. But the weight of the world is off my shoulders. I have changed. Later in the week, God was kind enough to teach me something else. He showed me that if I allow something to steal the joy I have in Christ, then I have allowed that thing to set itself up as an idol in my life and I need to put that thing back in its place. It sounds simple (some will say overly simple), but as I have repented of allowing “little things” to steal my joy, my joy has come back! Even in the middle of the storm! I’ve laughed this week. I’ve felt God’s presence again. I’ve heard his voice. I’ve had joy that has bubbled up like a spring from deep inside, and my situation has not changed! Who would've thought?

Joy and peace don’t come from getting a solution to the problem or from reasoning it out. They are unconditional gifts from God that I’ve realised can accessed when your eyes are fixed on Him. Like Peter who was able to walk on water while He was looking at Jesus, but began to sink as soon as he focused on the waves around him.

So I got my miracle - An unshakeable joy and peace that is not rooted in circumstance. What a huge gift. 

From the mouths of Babes

Christian was playing Mario Brothers on the computer earlier on and I noticed he was not moving Mario around at all. He was just letting Mario stand in the corner of the screen. So I said “Christian, why is Mario just standing still and not doing anything?” He said “Because no baddies go to that corner, so if he just stands still over there, nothing bad can happen to him.”

This got me thinking and I said “But Christian, I know you’re safe in that corner but are you having fun? Are you getting any further in the game? Are you learning new things about the game?" to which he replied no. So I said, “Well then I suggest you get back in the game, move Mario forward, jump over whatever obstacles you need to get over and if the baddies get him, at least you had fun and you tried.” So my handsome little boy started playing again.

And that’s what I’ve decided... Stay in the game, roll with the punches and move forward and if I go out, so be it. Hovering in the corner of life so that you don’t make any mistakes is for the birds. He who never made a mistake, never made ANYTHING!

The proof is in the pudding!

Nick and I always go through the same things at the same time due to the fact that we’re married, parents together and on the same journey. The problems we encounter always hit both of us at the same time so you would think that we would both respond in the same way. Not so! Nick responds in his way and I respond in mine, and it’s got me thinking about the grid through which people see things. It is totally possible for two people to look at the same situation and see two totally different things because of the grid through which they view the world.

The way a person sees things is actually critical because it will have an impact on the way they react to the situation which in turn will have an impact on the outcome. So a person’s grid can determine the outcome... scarey!

We’ve all heard of the proverbial optimist being someone who sees the glass half full and the proverbial pessimist being someone who sees the glass as half empty. Same glass – two viewpoints. But what actually makes the optimist see the glass as being half full? In a book called “Learned Optimism”, Professor Matin Seligman says that when something bad happens to an optimist, they expect that the bad thing will be short-lived (temporary), that is was caused by an outside source (external) and that it only affects a partial area of their life (specific). When something bad happens to a pessimist, they expect it will go on forever (permanent), feel that the bad thing was caused by themselves (personal) and that is will affect their whole life (pervasive).

“When pessimistic people run into obstacles in the workplace, in relationships or on the sports field, they give up” says Martin. “When optimistic people run into obstacles, they try harder.”

Optimism is intricately connected with faith and pessimism is connected with fear. You can’t be a pessimist who is full of faith, or an optimist that is full of fear. Do you know that it’s proven that optimists catch fewer sicknesses, live longer and bounce back quicker than pessimists.

Seeing as I am a natural optimist (Thankyou Jesus!), I battle to see life from the point of view of a pessimist, but I’m starting to think that the key for pessimists is to fake it til you make it! The Bible says that the tongue is the rudder of your ship, so even if you don’t believe a word of what you’re saying, tell yourself (and those around you) that everything will be fine, things will get better, your situation is temporary and there are so many things in your life to be thankful for. Picture what you want the outcome to be and start to believe that it will be so. The Bible says that “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The actual translation is that faith is the “Title deed” for land you can not see! How cool is that! Can you see the land with your eyes– no. But if you can picture it with your mind’s eye and have the faith for it, then it is just as good as holding the title deed. The land is yours.

Joshua and Caleb were typical optimists because of their faith in their God. When they were sent into the promised land as spies to check whether they could beat the enemy and take over the land, what did they see with their real eyes – huge, scarey giants. But when they came back, they were the only two that said “Let’s go, we can take em!” Everyone else was terrified. Everybody saw the same thing but Joshua and Caleb’s response was different to everybody elses. Their response to a scarey situation was optimism based on faith which overflowed into their speech and in the end, they did beat the enemy and take the promised land.

I often marvel at how blessed I am. I can list so many things that I have to be grateful for. I wouldn’t swop my life for anybody else’s life and I’m so excited for what’s ahead. Even on a bad day, I know that I have gotten off light in life. I don’t have to look too far left or too far right to see that I am living in huge blessing! I don’t deserve it but I’m grateful for it and so conscious of the fact that every good and perfect thing in my life has come from one source – my God.

The heat of the moment

I was reminded of something yesterday.

I got into an ugly argument with a total stranger which is something I haven’t done ever ... or at least in a very long time. He said something incredibly nasty to me out of left field and instead of keeping quiet I lashed out, then he lashed back, then I lashed back. In the end, I think you can say we were both equally rude, personal and mean and there was no winner.

It bothered me the whole day and almost ruined what was supposed to be an amazing day with the start of FIFA 2010. My thoughts ranged from “I can’t believe I behaved like that” to “Well, think about what he said! He deserved it.” Late last night at about 11pm, I decided that the only way to take the pestering thoughts and ugly feelings away was to apologise unconditionally so I sent him an email to say sorry and I immediately felt better.

Once again, I’ve come to realise that it is always wise to throw water on the fire, rather than petrol. No good can come out of reacting in anger. Even if you win, you don’t win. Even if you’re right in theory, you put yourself in the wrong and lose all hope of getting your point across.

If I felt strong enough, I should’ve come back to him with kind words. If I wasn’t strong enough to be kind at that point, I should’ve waited until I had calmed down before responding. Think of the shock he would’ve got if I responded to him in kindness. The effect would’ve been huge. It might have shaken his world view. But because I sunk right down to his level, all I did was reinforce the way he is and the way he sees the world.

I wish I could go back and handle it differently. The only good that came out of it is that I gained nothing and felt terrible, so next time (if I remember in the heat of the moment!), I’ll try and respond with love. The Bible says so clearly “Love your enemies” and “A peaceful answer turns away anger” and “Forgive 70 x 7 times”... there is no ambiguity about how we’re supposed to deal with people who treat us badly. We’re supposed to treat them with forgiveness and love - every time. There is power in it! I have lost my opportunity to reflect Jesus to that guy, but hopefully I’ll get it right next time.

The "Morne van der Merwe" test

Woke up this morning after maybe one hour of sleep because of a tiny beautiful baby with a stuffy nose. I had the usual negotiations with Nick about who’s turn it is for morning duty. Any couple who has kids (especially three of them aged 0 to 6)will be able to relate to these "negotiations". I say “I had Jasmine,” he says “I had the other two” and on we go... exhaustion is making me feel feverish and I’ve got pins and needles in my brain (have you ever felt that?).

A few days ago I had this incredible fear about the fact that I don’t feel close enough to God and I have become less and less Christ-like, so I’m trying my best to adjust where I need to adjust and change in all the areas that don’t reflect Jesus, but this morning all I wanted to do was throw my not-strong-enough coffee at somebody in the near vicinity (no names mentioned). So all my good intentions went out the window... Anyway, we both got up. I had a shower in the dark because the bulb had blown and I had time to think about what I call the “Morne van der Merwe” test.

When they installed the swings at Joshgen (our church), they had to test whether they were strong enough for little kids to swing on without breaking, so they needed some sort of ‘stress test’ for the swings. Apparently they called in Morne van der Merwe (an ex-Stormers rugby player) to sit on the swings and see if they will break under that weight. The rationale was rather test the swings under the heaviest weight possible before entrusting them to hold our precious children.

Sometimes it feels a bit like Morne is sitting on the swings, hey? I like to think they need to be tested for some important reason. The frame eeks and squeaks under the strain but it hasn’t broken yet (touch wood). Maybe when it has been sufficiently tested and proven strong enough, Morne will get off and then we can fulfil the task we need to with confidence that the swings have been tested and won’t break. At least, that’s what I’m going with today. :)

My first little bloggie!

I've always wanted to keep a diary of our life so I can look back and remember some of the precious moments, good and bad, but I never get around to it. So now I have been inspired by Daniel and Debbie's awesome blogs which I always read and enjoy and have decided to do one myself. It is more for me than for anyone else, but should be fun.