The heat of the moment

I was reminded of something yesterday.

I got into an ugly argument with a total stranger which is something I haven’t done ever ... or at least in a very long time. He said something incredibly nasty to me out of left field and instead of keeping quiet I lashed out, then he lashed back, then I lashed back. In the end, I think you can say we were both equally rude, personal and mean and there was no winner.

It bothered me the whole day and almost ruined what was supposed to be an amazing day with the start of FIFA 2010. My thoughts ranged from “I can’t believe I behaved like that” to “Well, think about what he said! He deserved it.” Late last night at about 11pm, I decided that the only way to take the pestering thoughts and ugly feelings away was to apologise unconditionally so I sent him an email to say sorry and I immediately felt better.

Once again, I’ve come to realise that it is always wise to throw water on the fire, rather than petrol. No good can come out of reacting in anger. Even if you win, you don’t win. Even if you’re right in theory, you put yourself in the wrong and lose all hope of getting your point across.

If I felt strong enough, I should’ve come back to him with kind words. If I wasn’t strong enough to be kind at that point, I should’ve waited until I had calmed down before responding. Think of the shock he would’ve got if I responded to him in kindness. The effect would’ve been huge. It might have shaken his world view. But because I sunk right down to his level, all I did was reinforce the way he is and the way he sees the world.

I wish I could go back and handle it differently. The only good that came out of it is that I gained nothing and felt terrible, so next time (if I remember in the heat of the moment!), I’ll try and respond with love. The Bible says so clearly “Love your enemies” and “A peaceful answer turns away anger” and “Forgive 70 x 7 times”... there is no ambiguity about how we’re supposed to deal with people who treat us badly. We’re supposed to treat them with forgiveness and love - every time. There is power in it! I have lost my opportunity to reflect Jesus to that guy, but hopefully I’ll get it right next time.