A change of heart

What a strange time in my life. So many mixed emotions, but funnily enough, mostly joy. I can only thank God for that because it is a supernatural joy. I find myself smiling when I drive and laughing at silly things like a child would. And it’s all because the other day I had a revelation of something and it has changed me. The end...

Jokes! This is what happened. I was sitting in church last week totally overwhelmed at a situation I’ve been dealing with and not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve prayed, I’ve begged, I’ve tried all sorts of things, I’ve cried, I’ve indulged in some lovely self pity, I’ve done the right things ...and nothing has made it better. Nothing more I can do. And no change. In fact, it has kept getting worse and it’s now at the final stage. So I’m at the back of the church and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. All I can think is “God, where are you? Can you please do a miracle here. What am I going to do?.” Nothing. Prayers bouncing off the ceiling. Closed heaven. And I’m watching everyone singing and I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack from the stress. I just want to cry and cry. Then I start to feel a tugging on my heart. It’s like a quiet question “Will you praise me even if things never change? Will you lift your hands to me in adoration as things come crashing down?” And right there, I was given the opportunity to make a decision. Do I only praise God in the good times? Do I only sing of His goodness when He answers my prayers? Or do I lift my hands and sing praises to the Living God because He is good, regardless of whatever situation I am facing. I decided that even if I struggle until my dying breath, God is good and He is worthy of my praise. So I got up, lifted my hands and through tears, sang to God and told Him how much I love Him. I sang words about His kindness, His mercy, His goodness and His unchanging love.

After that, it’s like something has shifted in the heavenlies. Has my situation changed? No, in fact, it is still deteriorating. But the weight of the world is off my shoulders. I have changed. Later in the week, God was kind enough to teach me something else. He showed me that if I allow something to steal the joy I have in Christ, then I have allowed that thing to set itself up as an idol in my life and I need to put that thing back in its place. It sounds simple (some will say overly simple), but as I have repented of allowing “little things” to steal my joy, my joy has come back! Even in the middle of the storm! I’ve laughed this week. I’ve felt God’s presence again. I’ve heard his voice. I’ve had joy that has bubbled up like a spring from deep inside, and my situation has not changed! Who would've thought?

Joy and peace don’t come from getting a solution to the problem or from reasoning it out. They are unconditional gifts from God that I’ve realised can accessed when your eyes are fixed on Him. Like Peter who was able to walk on water while He was looking at Jesus, but began to sink as soon as he focused on the waves around him.

So I got my miracle - An unshakeable joy and peace that is not rooted in circumstance. What a huge gift. 