When you are going through the mill!

I went to go watch Wall Street tonight. I love how, after every disaster whether natural or man-made, the film industry always waits an obligatory two years for the dust to settle before pouncing on the movie rights and making the movie. The bleeding has usually stopped but the scars are still fresh when ‘the movie’ hits the big screen.

I’m glad I watched it because it has reminded me of something – It is not personal! It was a tidal wave that took out most of the globe, not just Joe Soap and his picket fence.

The stories I’ve heard are varied but they speak mostly of loss of everything. I was rich and now I am poor. I used to own this, now I own nothing. What I have realised though is the endings are not all the same. The ending is chosen by the individual. It either ends in hope and perspective about the important things in life, or it ends in front of a train. The ending seems to depend on where a person places his value. The Bible says that “Where your heart is, there your treasure will lie also.”

I will never forget in Varsity, one of our lecturers gave us a quote that went something like this:
“A person inevitably takes on the value of the thing that he worships. If he worships money, he will judge everyone in terms of their wealth and he himself will take on the value of his bank balance. But if he worships God, he will judge everyone in accordance with the fact that we are all God’s children and he himself will take on the value of being God’s child”

I spoke to a 60 year old man the other day. Up until three years ago, he had lived a life of luxury with many homes, many cars and many overseas holidays. Then in 2008, like so many, he started to lose everything and eventually was declared insolvent one year ago. He met God during this time and he is one of the blessed few that did not let it get to his heart. His adult daughter was supposed to be getting married a month after he was declared insolvent and he had planned a R160000.00 wedding for her. When he said to her “I can’t do it anymore”, she said “Dad, you’re seeing this wrong. If either Mom or one us kids had died and someone said to you that you could have us back again if you would just forfeit all your assets and money, what would you do?” He said to her “I’d give it all without blinking.” And she said to him “Well then Dad, what have you lost?”

I loved speaking to that man. He is full of joy and he has started over at the age of 60. He said he wouldn’t change it for the world because he has found Christ and his family is closer than they have ever been. He said he recognises that it wasn’t his fault so he is not going to hang his head in shame, he is going to get back into the game and do what he did before. And a year down the line, he has recovered a good portion of what he lost.

My heart goes out to the people who can’t see their way clear, to the ones who are holding on so tight and living in fear that if they let go, their world will come to an end. There is actually such liberty in letting go. It’s like you’re waiting for the bomb to go off, and it doesn’t. You close your eyes tight and you hear ... silence. Then you open your eyes and you’re still breathing, all the important things are still there and the worst part about it is that you start from scratch. There are still fun times, still laughs, lots of planning sessions, sweet time with the people you love and best of there are indescribable times in the presence of God that you can only really experience when you have reached the end of your own strength.

As I write this, my feelings are bittersweet. I am smiling because I am free of it. God has given me the grace to see it for what it is – a little thing. And I am finding this season with all its challenges to be one of hope. It has also glued my husband and I together with superglue. Our love for each other has gone to another level because we have faced this giant together. And there is something about staring down a giant that makes you cling to each other and harness every skill both of you have. You take what you got and you throw it in the pot! I love how sweet we have become with each other again.

But on the other side, I remember how it all felt before God did this miracle in my heart. I can not forget how it felt to not be able to see the wood from the trees and to be in the thick of it and terrified. Satan can take something the size of a mouse and put a big torch behind it so it looks 100 times bigger and scarier than it is. He operates with fear. As much as God works with faith, Satan works with fear. If he had it his way, we would all be walking around terrified and worried and anxious and totally missing the moment. If the Bible says the joy of the Lord is our strength, what do you think is the first thing that he tries to steal!

I so want to share the hope I have! More than ever before, I am telling people left, right and centre about Jesus. How can I not after what he has done for me? I’m sure some people are sick of hearing me proclaim the hope I have in Christ. Some probably think I’m LOoNy! Lol... But I’ll say it again as simply as possible - A short while ago, I was in situation that was bigger than me. Now I’m bigger than it. Or should I say, the God standing right behind me is bigger than it. I am like the little kid in the playground who nobody messes with because unbeknown to me, there is a teacher right behind me! Lol.

People, find rest in the arms of God. Really, it’s there, it’s available. You do not have to carry your burdens alone. Lift him to the rightful place in your life, elevated above all else and you will find rest. For the first time in my life, I understand the scripture “Come to me all you who are heavy laiden and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

A change of heart

What a strange time in my life. So many mixed emotions, but funnily enough, mostly joy. I can only thank God for that because it is a supernatural joy. I find myself smiling when I drive and laughing at silly things like a child would. And it’s all because the other day I had a revelation of something and it has changed me. The end...

Jokes! This is what happened. I was sitting in church last week totally overwhelmed at a situation I’ve been dealing with and not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve prayed, I’ve begged, I’ve tried all sorts of things, I’ve cried, I’ve indulged in some lovely self pity, I’ve done the right things ...and nothing has made it better. Nothing more I can do. And no change. In fact, it has kept getting worse and it’s now at the final stage. So I’m at the back of the church and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. All I can think is “God, where are you? Can you please do a miracle here. What am I going to do?.” Nothing. Prayers bouncing off the ceiling. Closed heaven. And I’m watching everyone singing and I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack from the stress. I just want to cry and cry. Then I start to feel a tugging on my heart. It’s like a quiet question “Will you praise me even if things never change? Will you lift your hands to me in adoration as things come crashing down?” And right there, I was given the opportunity to make a decision. Do I only praise God in the good times? Do I only sing of His goodness when He answers my prayers? Or do I lift my hands and sing praises to the Living God because He is good, regardless of whatever situation I am facing. I decided that even if I struggle until my dying breath, God is good and He is worthy of my praise. So I got up, lifted my hands and through tears, sang to God and told Him how much I love Him. I sang words about His kindness, His mercy, His goodness and His unchanging love.

After that, it’s like something has shifted in the heavenlies. Has my situation changed? No, in fact, it is still deteriorating. But the weight of the world is off my shoulders. I have changed. Later in the week, God was kind enough to teach me something else. He showed me that if I allow something to steal the joy I have in Christ, then I have allowed that thing to set itself up as an idol in my life and I need to put that thing back in its place. It sounds simple (some will say overly simple), but as I have repented of allowing “little things” to steal my joy, my joy has come back! Even in the middle of the storm! I’ve laughed this week. I’ve felt God’s presence again. I’ve heard his voice. I’ve had joy that has bubbled up like a spring from deep inside, and my situation has not changed! Who would've thought?

Joy and peace don’t come from getting a solution to the problem or from reasoning it out. They are unconditional gifts from God that I’ve realised can accessed when your eyes are fixed on Him. Like Peter who was able to walk on water while He was looking at Jesus, but began to sink as soon as he focused on the waves around him.

So I got my miracle - An unshakeable joy and peace that is not rooted in circumstance. What a huge gift. 